What Happens
by SiriusPrincess
Summary: The thought of a man desperate to find what he lost


**Author's Note~** I own nothing, none of these people or even the story line really. I started writing this, and it totally changed as I wrote it and I actually really like how it turned out. I actually expected it to be a lot more bitter and sad, and it came out kind of hopeful. Any way read, review, and enjoy. Oh, and just for reference, if you do review would you tell me what you thought of the no name thing? thank you

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What Happens

What happens when you have nothing left to live for? What happens when everyone thinks you betrayed the first person to ever really give you a chance? What happens when you lose everything? What happens when everything you love, everything you respect and cherish and care about is destroyed by one simple act?

Betrayal. It is such a small, nondescript word. It doesn't tell you how it feels to lose everything because you trusted the wrong person. It doesn't tell you how it feels to have your whole world turn on you for something that you didn't really do. It doesn't tell you how it feels to think in the back of your mind that it really is your fault even though you didn't know. It doesn't tell you how it feels to _know_ that you could have changed the outcome, if only you had had some warning, some hint that your world was going to come tumbling down.

Life. What life is there left for someone who has nothing? Who has lost everything? But I didn't lose everything, did I? I still have their memory and their essence in the small boy I held in my hands when he was a baby. I still have the child that is no longer a child, forced to grow up far too fast because of that stupid, insignificant word. Betrayal. But I still have him. Even as I am locked up with all the people I tried so hard to stop and thwart for those three long but incredibly short years, I remember that I still have him. I still have that last connection to the only family I ever truly had, and deep down I know I still have one friend left. Even if he never spoke to me again, even if he never forgave me, I still have him. And he still has me.

Betrayer. I found him. I found the rat, and he is much too close to the only one that keeps me sane. I have to find him and protect my lifeline. I know that it is ridiculous to dream of ever escaping but maybe, just maybe, they gave me one final gift. We never used it to do anything meaningful, only used it to cause trouble. Although I think that one found it meaningful. We did it to help him; at least that's what we told ourselves. It was true too, we did do it for him, but we also did it just to prove we could. I think it is finally time to put this skill that we never told anyone but each other about to a truly meaningful task. For once secrecy and betrayal come in handy. Because that's what it really was. We betrayed the trust of the only person that ever gave us a chance. And it wasn't just him, he gave me a chance too, probably when I didn't really deserve one. So I will put this betrayal to a task that will save the most important person in my world.

Selfish. I always have been. People always said that it was my one failing. I don't think that I only had one failing, but I will admit that I was, and still am, selfish. I want to save him, not for himself, although that is there, but more because he is my last link. He is my last connection to the world that I lost. If I am being honest though, I think that everyone is selfish. We do things that make us feel good or happy or satisfied in some way, even if it makes us sad and hurt and insane as well. So I will continue to be selfish and escape this place, make his life harder, so that I can protect him and avenge the life and the people that the rat stole from me.

Love. He made me give up my revenge, his revenge, so that I could be free. It didn't work out that way of course, I still have to run, to hide. But I am still free, and I am still a good person in his eyes. I feel mixed emotions. I want my best friend back and he is a way I could almost have that, but at the same time, I want to protect him and help him grow. This is of course ridiculous as he is, for the most part, already grown. But I want to do it anyway. I love this boy that reminds me so much of those I have loved and lost. He looks just like his father, but has the gentle and kind eyes of his mother that I took too long to fully appreciate. I know I got my time with both of them and he got almost none, but I still want them back, and for once not just because I miss them, but because I can't be what they could for this boy. I wish I could, but I am just not strong enough. I find myself falling back into the pattern of hoping beyond hope that the next time I look at him it will be his father and mother in his place. I very rarely talk about her to him but I loved his mother just as much as I loved his father. They gave me the family that my own blood could never supply. Love seems like such an insufficient word. It was more than love but I have no other, so it shall have to do.

Death. It is more peaceful than I thought it would be. I was terrified of leaving him alone. He was the last real connection to the world that was destroyed that fateful night and I wanted to protect that with everything I could, forever. But it was more than just the connection to the past. He was the son I never had, the child I was never able to raise. As I drifted through the curtain I tried to fight, and then a soft small hand touched my shoulder. I turned and saw her bright, beautiful, kind, emerald eyes. He was standing behind her, smiling gently. 'You have done wonderfully my friend, but look.' I looked back and saw that he was not alone as I feared. He had friend and loved one and people who would protect him for me. 'Your home.' She told me, and I finally relaxed. I walked with them, laughing and talking and reminiscing, and she was right I was finally home. Later he called on us again, one last time to give him courage and strength and love to help him defeat the one who had taken so much in such malice and hatred. When we faded back to our own world we found another old friend waiting for us, with a young woman on his arm. She was worried about her son and I showed my cousin what they had showed me when I had not wanted to let go. It was harder for her but she finally let go. As I looked back at my family I found that same peace I had when we were all back at school. There was one missing and one added but that was okay, because we were all finally home. We still watch those that we left behind sometimes, but it is not with regret or sadness. It is with all the love we felt for each other and them and I believe that when their time comes they will find the same home and solace that I lost all those years ago.

What happens when you have nothing left to live for? You find something. What happens when everyone thinks you betrayed the first person to ever really give you a chance? You prove them wrong. What happens when you lose everything? You find something new and wait for what was lost to return. What happens when everything you love, everything you respect and cherish and care about is destroyed by one simple act? You fight, you live, you die, and in the end you find what was stolen from you. You find home.


End file.
